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10-02-2002, 05:21 PM
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Your thoughts: Is scolding a form of abuse?
Just wondering what everyone's thoughts are on this:
Scolding Kids Harms as Much as Hitting, Study Says I am probably not being very PC here, but I can't help thinking that the total lack of discipline for children is a major part of what is wrong with society. Kids are committing serious crimes these days, and at the very least, I know a few who are growing up with zero conscience (and a ridiculous sense of entitlement). Quotes like this "'The feeling of self-respect is hurt when you are punished in one way or another,' said Erik Sigsgaard, the researcher into teaching at the Danish Center for Research in Institutions, who carried out the study." just strike me as weird. I guess now we are supposed to let our kids do whatever strikes their fancy. I can see not screaming and cussing at your kids, but how the heck are they gonna grow up to be decent human beings if they are never taught there are consequences to their actions?
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~Shana~ 
    
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10-02-2002, 05:25 PM
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I totally agree. If children are not taught there are consequences to their actions they grow up to have no respect for authority and no conscience.
I am not sure I like the way our PC society is heading.
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10-02-2002, 06:09 PM
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I totally agree with you ladies. I think kids are getting away with way too much all in the name of PC. My parents weren't ultra strict but I did a few things in my days that got me some major and minor scoldings (and an occasional spanking) and I shaped up and turned out pretty darn good, ya know? I learned my lessons quickly and I respect my parents for teaching me that actions DO have consequences.
As a teenager, grounding and losing privileges did much to re-shape my tacky little know-it-all attitude. You know how teens can be! And I was awful at times.  So, I'm not sure I like the way our society is going here either. Somebody has to drive the car and it should be the parents. Edit: Oh yeah ..... let me add..... I have two younger sisters and one brother and we all turned out good - much to my parent's credit. They may have scolded or grounded OR spanked us occasionally, but they did WAY more talking and hugging. And that goes a long way too.
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Vickie Last edited by Luna Sea; 10-08-2002 at 07:29 AM.
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10-03-2002, 06:49 PM
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this isn't our society, this is Denmark
Maybe they're just real hyper-sensitive over there or something. I hesitate to say they're doing anything wrong, as I never hear of a violence problem in Denmark, but who the heck knows. They've got a lot of alcoholics IIRCC.
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10-04-2002, 09:28 AM
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Quote:
Just my two cents! -Beth
__________________
A mass of details stored up in the mind does not in itself make a thinker
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10-04-2002, 02:30 PM
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I think this article focuses on verbal abuse which I think it wrong. Shouting at a child, in my opinion, is not good. I view discipline as guidance, not punishment. I also believe that shouting helps the parent release some steam, but does nothing positive for the child. When the goal is guidance, shouting is inconsistent. And, I think it's mean. I do think however, that natural consequences are a good thing.
It's hard not to "lose it" every once in a while, and that's okay. But, as a parent, I strive to raise a self-confident child and part of that is trying my best to treat him with respect and in general to keep my cool. Time outs I think are healthy because in a very stressful situation, they provide a cooling off period for both the parent and the child. My son is still a toddler, but I have done time outs a couple of times already when I felt very angry and knew *I* needed a moment to regroup. I have also yelled at him once and felt so guilty afterwards. It haunted me for days. Just like that article said, I felt like I was beating him with words. It's just not nice to be yelled at. And, as I mentioned before, it accomplished nothing positive. Most of the time when I am trying to teach him something that will keep him safe and healthy, I redirect or remove him from a situation, i.e. guidance. Positive reinforcement is the best method of discipline, not punishment. JMHO 
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10-04-2002, 02:50 PM
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Maybe some of it depends on age, too...a week ago, I found out from my daughter's high school that she has been skipping math. I grounded her from TV and talking on the phone until she completes every assignment she missed. But is that considered punishment? I think so. Am I killing her self-respect? According to the pyschologist? Maybe. According to me? No, she's killing her own. LOL
With my littlest child, who is one, I don't do anything ot him at all other than use the distract-before-he-destructs plan. As in, if he colors on the walls, I'll say "crayons are for paper, sweetie" and hand him another toy as sneak away the crayons. I like time-outs too for my in-between kids, but isn't that also considered punishment? I kinda got the impression from the article that you can never do anything that will make the child feel bad. I think punishment is fine, though...as far as I am concerned, they should feel bad if they did something bad. Not feel bad because I am punishing them, but because they need to realize they hurt property or another person. And sometimes taking away a privilege or giving them a talking-to gets that point across. Does that make any sense?
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~Shana~
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10-05-2002, 04:35 PM
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Yah........Let's not paddle a butt, raise our voice or punish Kids in anyway that might make them feel 'Bad' or 'Embarrassed' and for God's sake let's not hold them Responsible for their actions....
Because when they grow up and have to be out in the 'REAL WORLD'.....we know their Boss, Superiors, Managers and Fellow Employee's are going to 'Tip Toe' around as to not hurt their little feelings!! And I can't remember the last time I gave an employee a 'Time Out' for their continual bad conduct....Oh yeah.....I did......it was called 'You're Fired!' Give me a BREAK!
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10-05-2002, 09:54 PM
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Quote:
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10-06-2002, 01:44 PM
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Oh no - here I go, dragging out the soapbox again....
I was very interested in what this article and everyone had to say. I think so much depends on what you interpret the article to mean. There is punishment and there is verbal abuse. There is a HUGE difference! Maggie hit the nail on the head with "If children are not taught there are consequences to their actions they grow up to have no respect for authority and no conscience". Children must be taught there are consequences to actions and choices. It is these consequences that make the difference between punishment and abuse. A small child who rips a sibling's book needs to learn that it is not OK to do that. I think talking about it calmly, apologizing to the sibling and buying a new book are logical consequences for this and NOT hurting the child in any way. The child is learning to be responsible for his actions. Now, screaming at the child, throwing the book around and calling the child names are not OK. These do make the child feel very worthless and are abusive. And what does the child learn from this? More incorrect behavior. Screaming and yelling teach the child nothing. They are given nothing to base further situations on and have no new knowledge to help them make different choices next time. This works with all ages and situations. Logical consequences make the difference. Working with choildren for many years, I have seen this in action and know it works. I have also seen the absolute absence of discipline/punishment ruin a child! TOO many people take info like this at face value and run with it. Uneducated on the real topic they refuse to even slightly correct a child's behavior in any way. This does lead to CRAZY children with no boundries or conscience or respect for anyone! Believe me - I've taught plenty of them! So, I think you don't scream and yell and make a child feel worthless. You use logical/rational consequences and help a child grow and learn. You definately don't ignore the bahvior though. A child can feel bad/sorry about what they have done without feeling worthless. ...Putting away my soapbox now. I'm really big on this issue - sorry!
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10-07-2002, 07:20 PM
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I wasnt gonna reply to this but I couldnt resist!! And I will TRY to keep my tongue FIRMLY outta my cheek!!
I have a 13 going on 25 year old! As the 'rent of a teen lemme tell ya, ya gotta get the respect thing built EARLY!! Time outs and scoldings and swats (NOT beatings SWATS) when they are little and then progressively on as they get progressively on. My daughter is VERY precocious (sp?) And I have tried to raise her with a bit of humour, a bit of tears, a lot of disipline and a HEAP of love. Yes there are time I scold her and yes (gasp) there are times I whip her!! LOL There are times I guess I will whip her when I am a Gramma!  There have been times that I have told her that.."I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!" But she KNOWS that it is said in LOVE. That is the key. She respects me. She KNOWS I will WHAP the tar outta her if she dont!! And therefore you wont catch MY kid out snatchin purses or jackin cars!! My two cents worth of a penny!!
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10-12-2002, 01:20 PM
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I'll be glad to sponsor the 'WHAP' Party!! And Revi, you didn't kill the post!! In fact, I'll also be the 'Cheerleader' for the Whap Party.
"Whap 'em to the Left"...."Whap 'em to the Right"....."Whap 'em in the Middle"....and "Whap 'em all Night!!' YYYEEEAAAHHHH "WHAP 'EM!!"
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